Out Of The Old Black Bag
OUT OF THE OLD BLACK BAG
The Heavenly Christmas Card — Part 2
It was through my interactions with the grandchildren of Rhodora — the parents of the noble 168 — that I received a glimpse into her indomitable spirit. Legend has it that she never raised her voice, no matter how disruptive were the children … or the pets! To a man, the family members emphasized to me that until the day they passed away, Rhodora and Jack remembered the name and interests of every individual in the family, down to the newest great-grandchild. (As I write this paragraph, it has increased to 169.) It was like remembering the name of every star in the vast sky because you were exempt from senility and memory loss.
“Grandma (or Great-Grandma D, as the youngest generation called her) forgets nothing. She sends notes and birthday wishes to every single one of us,” I heard to a man from every grandchild and great-grandchild who could speak. “Our parents had the unmistakable gift of making each one of us feel that we were individually loved,” remembers the couple’s youngest daughter, Rebecca Foxhoven.
I appeared overwhelmed by these reports during the encounters, but became skeptical as Rhodora was in her nineties. However, time and time again she proved me wrong, sending cards and letters directly to me. We became like pen pals. One year, I convinced the family member responsible for publishing the “Lyons Family Calendar” to add Rhodora’s photograph on her birthday, April 18th, as an honorary guest and celebrity.
Several years ago I asked my mother-in-law what advice a nonagenarian who raised a dozen children would give to the parents of today. Mary Irene explained with a serious expression that the parents must learn how to say “no” to their children’s demands. I asked Rhodora the same question and she wrote back to me: “Live your values.” Wisdom of two sages who agreed that the trials and tribulations of raising a large family during the socially turbulent 1960s and ’70s required an unwavering faith in a Higher Power, described here in the influential poem, “The Gate of the Year,” by Minnie Louise Haskins in 1908:
‘God Knows’
And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
“Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown”.
And he replied:
“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way”.
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.
And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.
I found out about Rhodora’s passing before Christmas from her obituary, posted on social media. I was astonished by the inscrutable irony of it all when several days later, I received in the mail at my home what seemed to me to be a “heavenly Christmas card” directly from Rhodora, complete with the annual bulletin portraying the extended family lines of all 13 of her children. The return Christmas card here presented requires no postage!
The prophet Mohammed taught his followers that the most challenging task for followers of Allah was combating the “forgetfulness” germane to the human condition due to the distractions inherent in serving the individual ego and life’s weary considerations. I think Rhodora’s ultimate legacy will ironically be not what she as the grand matriarch inspired her family to accomplish, but how she NEVER forgot the mundane but most critical human requisites of living the “good life.” When I opened the Heavenly Christmas card, I recalled the awe I experienced as a pediatrician-in-training beholding the inscription at the base of the Margarita Delacorte Memorial in New York City’s Central Park, featuring characters from “Alice in Wonderland,” which reads:
“In memory of my wife Margarita Delacorte who loved all children”
This iconic landmark was dedicated to his wife by publisher and philanthropist, George Delacorte, as a gift to the children of New York City. Described as “a kind of slender Santa Claus,” he and his wife had six children in the years when he founded Dell Publishing Company (of comic book fame). Like Rhodora, the great benefactor ironically died at 97 years of age.
“Live your values!” I can think of no better examples of “true love” and no better guardian angels than Rhodora and Jack; they loved all children and all children loved them even more.
While I give to you and you give to me
True love, true love
So on and on it will always be
True love, true loveFor you and I have a guardian angel
On high, with nothing to do
But to give to you and to give to me
Love forever true.— From “True Love” by American songwriter Cole Porter
I must thank Rhodora’s granddaughter, Jennifer Gott, for disclosing to me the quotes and historical memories of the Donahue’s early years together. Ironically, Jennifer started off 2023 by giving birth to noble great-grandchild number 170! Another star in the sky!
Enjoy all of Dr. Kovatch’s previous essays on The PediaBlog here and here.
source https://www.thepediablog.com/2023/01/26/out-of-the-old-black-bag-37/
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